the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think a kid would responsible me up
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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