we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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