I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
