So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
