Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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