No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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