they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You've changed since you got that strap on
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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