Girls should come with a carfax report
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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