i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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