Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I cannot find my penis.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
