So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
