Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
