2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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