Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
