Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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