We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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