Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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