you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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