WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
false alarm. still invincible.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
