i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize