I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
