Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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