when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
