it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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