I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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