She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
