he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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