Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
