i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
