Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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