He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
