I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
