Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize