the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
did i walk over a car last night?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
