Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
