Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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