i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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