actually, I'm a sock model
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
