I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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