I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
