Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's official drugs can't kill me
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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