May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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