Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
