she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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