At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
