you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
