Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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