Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
