so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm sobbing to NWA
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
