I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
