He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
