I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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