Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
