Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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