Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
